Tuesday, January 31, 2006

Let me explain...

It appears that I have maybe started a bit of an uproar on some blogs (CINdy and Dad's Highway) that I frequent. Both of these families are in the process of adopting. That's huge - a huge step and a step that I believe that God calls some of us to do. On cINdy's post she had shared that she was feeling creepy about looking at families that walk by her and wondering if that could possibly be the next child she and her husband could possibly be adopting. In my world that is not creepy or at least it doesn't seem that way to me. Growing up I looked at woman who had similar characteristics and would wonder if they were my bio mom or not. After I found out that I have an older brother out there somewhere, I use to wonder if any guy who is two years older then me, was my brother? It's natural for adopted children, or at least for me, I thought it was! See I grew up knowing that I'm adopted. It was just another word in our vocabulary, it wasn't this strange thing that people did nor was it hidden from me. I was considered special, my Dad told me all the time. My sisters would tell their friends and my parents would tell theirs when asked why I look different from my sisters. When I became a teen. I developed animosity towards my bio mom. I hated the fact that she gave me up, because I didn't like how my current family was treating me. See they weren't treating me any differently, it just felt that way, because I was in my teens and started to have an attitude towards discipline and obedience. That's a normal for most teens, or at least I think it is. The difference for me, is that I had a outlet or a fantasy out there somewhere that would maybe someday come and find me and take me away from all of this. And she (bio mom) would never treat me like this, so why did she give me up?! How dare she! It wasn't until I became a mother myself and saw first hand what it would have been like to try and give up a child, that I realized the deep and true love that my mother had to have in order to give me up. Now I realize that that may not be the case for children in foster care, but I can't believe that there isn't some sort of pain that mother is feeling. She's hurting because she can't provide, she is feeling pain because of past hurt and so that pore innocent child is treated out of hatred or disrespect, because the bio mom is hurting, she is reaching out, lashing out, because she hasn't been taught differently. Someone has not shown her the love she deserves. So the question arose, do all adopted children feel this way? I'm not sure that they do. Do we tell our adopted children that they are adopted and when is the right time for that? Advice from an adopted child, who has adopted herself and has found her bio mom. Tell your children that they are adopted, however you may do that, don't keep it from them. Be honest! Don't make their bio mom or dad out to be mean, evil or bad people. They did what they had to, what they in some cases only new what to do. Some had no choice, because nobody taught them differently from the beginning. They through it all somehow made the right decision to give that child up. Some had their children taken from their home, they didn't know differently. They maybe were brought up in the same manner and somehow survived, but yet they were never taught how to truly provide for their children. For all of the adoption questions, obviously let God be your guide. In addition to that, talk with adopted children around you, ask families who have adopted, seek out books that talk about adoption. I don't have any specific books that have helped me. It has been God's guidance for my parents, on how to handle it. It has been my experiences that I have healed and come to be the person I am today.........of course with God as my guide and His Good Book!

1 comment(s):

QueenBee said... uproar...just GREAT discussions!