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Saturday, May 05, 2007

Struggles...



I'm struggling with many things that I have been for quite some time. I want to "spill" my guts on this page, but don't feel quite "safe" enough to do so. My first struggle is my weight. Last year I worked out at least five times a week, prior to that I walked four miles a day and I did weight training, but yet I only lost eight pounds. Very frustrating. I currently am trying new things and continually asking God for strength to make the changes that I need to.

My other struggle is with my son. He has been diagnosed with ADHD and has anger outbursts. These are not your typical kid tantrums. He currently has two holes in his wall, a scraped up door and a banged up corner in his room. He is a zealous very outgoing kid. Because he feels safest with just Joel and I, he only does these outburst in front of us (or I think so). He is very compassionate with small children. He loves them and is very gentle with them, yet he can't control his anger towards Joel and I. It literally sucks the life right out of me some days. We are currently seeking help from a psychologist for him, but I feel as if that is dead end as well. I truly feel that it is his diet that needs to change and what would somewhat help him. Unfortunately that would take an enormous miracle to happen. I have tried to change a few things and I wind up with a child that eats nothing. I pray for him, Joel and myself daily, that we would have strength to parent this child and that Nico would be obedient and understand what it is he should be doing.

Isn't that enough? Well there is more, but I choose not to discuss it. Our business is having financial difficulty and therefore it carries over to us somewhat. We are continuing to pray for God's guidance for our business and finances.

Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him. James 1:12

This post was not intended to receive your pity or for you to feel sorry for me. I know many of us face trials daily. There is hope. God gives me hope and brings me strength. Without Him I wouldn't make it through a single day. These trials have taught me that I can't do it on my own. Times have been so low that I have asked God to just take me, but it is not my time. God has a plan and going through these trials is teaching me perseverance.

19 comment(s):

Michelle Smiles said...

Putting this stuff out there doesn't mean you want pity - it just means you need to vent a little about crap going on in your world. Then we in the blog world offer our support (and occasionally good or bad advice) and tell you that we are thinking of you as you struggle with these things. Take care Lori and I hope it smoothes out a little bit for you.

The Wheelers said...

Something to think about with your son... A lot of kids who have been adopted are misdiagnosed with ADHD because of attachment issues. Not that he isn't "attached" to your family, he may just need to work some things out. Does the psychologist you are working with have experience with attachment? You may see faster progress with an attachment therapist.

I think it's great that you shared what's going on in your life. Hang in there!

Kim said...

Lori - No pity here - just understandiing. I used to be a special ed teacher who mostly worked with kids with ADHD. If you want to chat sometime, just sent me an email. kimhartz@hotmail.com

Jane-Jane said...

sister... I am praying for you and your family.
I have walked in your son's shoes all my life. I have many thoughts on the behavior that I have dealt with all my life....

I am needing to get ready for a wedding now, so I will be praying and contact you later... but know that there is hope and the diet IS a big part of his chemical makeup and short circuiting within his wonderful body. (kinda like the tall weed that shorts out an electric fence on the farm that the fence still works, just not as well!) There is hope, in both Jesus and diet!

More at a later date!
Jane

Jane-Jane said...

sorry for the farm reference... I'll explain later!

Stephanie said...

Praying for all of you. Thanks for being open and real. Life is difficult- that's why it's so great that we have the hope of Jesus!

Heidi said...

Hey~ I just wanted you to know that I'll be praying for your family. I hope that you can feel safe here, knowing that we all support you and love you. No judgement from us!! Life can be hard, and that's why we all need to stick together.

Anonymous said...

hi

Bekah said...

Lori--Praying for you and your family. I am sure that is incredibly draining to experience your son's anger and I am sure it just hurts your heart and soul so much. Praying Jesus would lead you to the perfect counselor or whatever your precious son needs to work through all that he is experiencing and thinking but doesn't know how to express. Hugs!

Jenny and Matt said...

Oh Lori - you can always vent to us.... sometimes it helps a lot just to get it out.
Sorry you have a lot of hard stuff going on right now. You're at the top of my prayer list, friend. Hang in there!

Anonymous said...

Lori
I am a lurker and a nonadoptive parent but a Christian and I wanted to say I have been where you are and I will be praying for your family. We have a son that has some behavior issues. He is extremely intelligent and it sounds crazy but he struggles with behavior problems. There are times at night after he goes to bed that I have sat and cried and wondered how I failed him. I have tried to be the best possible parent I can be but I don't know where I went wrong. I have read so many parenting books out there. This past week I just started reading Shepherding a Child's Heart and it is by far the best book I have ever read. This book really might help. I will pray diligently for you. I know firsthand how hard this is and my heart breaks for Nico. Really really try Shepherding a Child's Heart by Tedd Tripp. Will you keep us updated? Please know you have our support.

Maxine said...

Ohh, Lori, so sorry you are having these struggles, but thank you so much for telling us about them so that we can be praying. I pray for you and your children regularly, but now know your needs even better. I pray that the Lord will guide you and Joel to just the right course of action. Life CAN seem to come down on us all at once, but the God of all comfort will be helping you to find answers. Right now you need his strength and I'll be praying for that. Also for direction about the weight issue. Weight Watchers online worked for me, but may not for everybody. And please remember that our God will supply all your needs according to His riches in Christ Jesus. So praying for that also. Blessings, dear Sister.

Kerry said...

I always find that when I am open about the things I am going through that people open up to me. It really helps to know that you're not alone and that we are here and understand. I know you don't want to have us pity you, but I'm proud of you for asking for help and not trying to go it all alone. That's a mistake a lot of us make. If there's anything I can do, let me know. I will keep you and your family in prayer.

Jennifer said...

Lori. I so know how you feel as you know from reading my blog. I wanted to write something that will uplift you and encourage you but I am at a loss of words right now because I know how it feels. Just remember we serve a BIG GOD that heals. Remember when you are weak he is strong. Let him be your strength. Reaching out like you did is just what Satan doesn't want us to do. He wants you to isolate your self and your feelings and be fearful and discouraged. Now that others know we can pray.
On another note, I would seriously look into Reactive Attachment disorder or even possibly a form of Bipolar. If your son is on meds for ADHD it might be triggering the rages! Children with Bipolar can not handle stimulate meds. It causes cycling. We had to learn the hard way. I am praying for you and your son and your finances and your weight. Just cast all your Cares on God. If you want to talk more please email me mademombygod@comcast.net

Crystal said...

ooh Lori--I want you to know that I am so proud of you to put this out there--Thank you for trusting us enough to tell us what is going on and how to pray-- OOOH honey Parenting is the hardest job is the world and I can hear your heart for Nico in your words--You my friend are beautiful inside and out and an amazing mom!!! Do you know that?!!! I hope you take time for YOU--Please please let me know if I can do anything including drive to Minnesota and take you out for a heart to heart Fun Girls Night Out!!!!!!!!!!!--We all love you Lori and please please know what a good mom you are --I will be praying for God's wisdom in the situation with Nico and your finances--hugs to you my friend hugs!!!!

Mackenzie's Forever Family said...

I am so sorry you are feeling low and things aren't going well. I have no words that could possibly help...All I have is prayer..Just know that our family is lifting your family up in prayer.

Megan

Chris Good said...

Lori, I'm sorry to hear you and your family are having troubles. I do find that blogging is a little bit of a release. I'll keep praying for you. Part of doing life together is letting people know what they can do to help. Praying...definatly something I can do.

Alleen said...

I hope you can find the help you need and make some progress. I am dealing with likely attachment issues right now and so I know how difficult it is to love your child and feel rejection in return.

rindy said...

Praying for you to "figure it all out". I can relate to your struggles in so many ways...mom of 3 boys all with Tourettes/ADHD with OCD thrown in with 2 of them, the weight stuff, and just day to day being a mom!

Know that you are not alone, take the time to just take a breath, and know prayers are being said for you!