Saturday, December 30, 2006

More education on adoption!

This was posted on a blogger friend's post and I had to share! Thanks Michelle for posting this information. It really can be valuable to friends and family around us who are unaware of how to handle adoption and the "what do you say" in this situation scenario.

In the interest of helping out those who visit my site but aren’t involved in adoption, I give you things you should not say to an adoptive parent. We know you mean well but some (not all) adoptive parents will not appreciate the following:

10. Oh look, she has your husband’s eyes (or smile…or fill in the body part). I know that is something you often say when encountering a baby but we are completely aware of the fact that she does not share our DNA. Just tell us she is beautiful - we will happily agree even if we can’t take credit for that.

9. How much did she cost? Nothing will upset an adoptive parent faster than this question. Babies do not cost money. Adoptions cost money. And it is rude to ask what an adoption costs even if you phrase it correctly. If you are truly interested, ask for some websites to do some research on your own. Lori's note: I have had close friends and family ask this question and I really don't mind it coming from them, but it is totally rude of a stranger! It is better to ask how much the process is and not generalize it.

8. Did you meet her real mother? I am her real mother. I am going to raise her, sit with her when she is sick, cry with her over her first heart break, and pay for college. Her birth mother (or first mother - whatever phrase you prefer) is someone we honor and are thankful to every day for the joy she has given us but we are her real parents once she is home.

7. I just know you’ll love her like your own. See above. She is my own daughter and I will love her more than you can know.

6. You know you’ll get pregnant within a year now. The stupidity of this comment amazes me. Yes, we all know our cousin’s secretary’s sister who got pregnant 3 months after adopting. This doesn’t happen in a statistically significant manner. And you have no idea what kind of fertility struggles someone may have gone through.

5. Is she yours? Nope, she’s on loan from the daycare down the street. Just taking her for a test drive to see if we want to keep her. (Yes, she is ours!)

4. Did you get lots of medical tests done on her? I hear most of those countries only let Americans adopt the really sick babies. Shoot! I forgot to send in the warranty papers for the money back guarantee! She’s our daughter and if any medical issues arise we will deal with them the same as you would your children.

3. *In a stage whisper* At least she is light skinned (or she looks like a china doll, etc). Yep. We shopped around for the country with the prettiest and least ethnic looking babies. The stage whisper doesn’t excuse the ignorant comment.

2. Are you going to tell her she is adopted? Yes, Yes and Yes! Adoption is rarely a secret in families in this day and age. It is part of her life story and she will know from day one that she is incredibly loved and came to our family in a special way.

1. I’m going to leave this slot open…add your own in the comments section and we’ll see what other things people shouldn’t say. (I'll fill it in with: "Oh she is so lucky to be with you and be in a better place." Maybe her health will be better, but only God knows what is best for her! The truth, she will be a huge blessing to our family and we are the fortunate ones!

2 comment(s):

Anonymous said...

Not only will you be fortunate, she will be so fortunate to have such loving parents and such a loving brother. She will be blessed in so many ways. God is so great that he gave you to eachother. Praying for a safe trip and some great bonding moments with Sonja!

Anonymous said...